Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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