guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i think i just lost a toe
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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