I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
