dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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