Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
