i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
