Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
