I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
