The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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