Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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