I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
