I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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