so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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