Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Please don't give away my fajitas
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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