apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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