You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
