woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
