Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
