You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
