I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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