I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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