this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
