We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My nipple is on Facebook.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
