Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
