everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
