Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
