I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you will always have a special place in my vag
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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