WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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