There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
