I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
