Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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