I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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