i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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