I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
