Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
