I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
