Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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