Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
