I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
