i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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