Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
and you fell through a lawn chair
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
