So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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