I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
