No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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