she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm too high and old for this...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
