"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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