Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
did i walk over a car last night?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
When are your genitals available?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
