I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
