The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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