She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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