just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
