"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
