i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
