Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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