ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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