is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
