Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
