Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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