I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
