Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
that's an acceptable place to lick
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
